you're a mystery yourself

Friday, June 11, 2010

2:17 AM

Right now it's 2:17 in the morning and I'm really depressed. I'm alone in this house right now. My Papa is in Baguio (having fun. maybe.) and my Mama? I don't know. I'm really worried about her right now. I prayed and told God that protect my mom because I love her. I told Him that I will not sleep until Mama's home.

I have a little idea where she is. I bet she's with that DAMN and IDIOT man who used to be her driver. I really wanted to leave Mama when I found that out. I was very depressed back then. Papa was very dramatic then (well now you know why I'm a Drama Queen).

Ok, right now I don't know what to do. My life is very miserable. I don't have real friends (yeah, I have friend but the truth is I really feel that none of them is real. Not Yanyan, not Poleen, not Claire, NOT ANYONE.)

Every night before I sleep I always fantasize me having everything I want - a happy family, real friends and lots and lots and lots of money.

Oh DAMN. I don't want to end up being lonely. You know, I always plan everything - the I must do, what to wear and who to be friends with but I end up not doing what I have planned.

I admit, I'm happy when I have new things but right now what I need is my Mama to come home right now so I will not worry for her safeness, a happy family, a real friend (even just one) and love, care and peace.

I made this post because I can't keep it to myself anymore. I feel like I'll be dying if I keep it up to myself. I don't have anybody to share my life with - what I meant was, I don't have a friend who knows me enough to understand WHY THE HECK I'm acting like this. I don't have parent who will accept everything I say - when I say something wrong they will let me stop and then tell annoying things. I just want to express everything deep inside of me but no one dares to listen to me. No one accepts me for who I am. I am a person too. I also want to tell things about me, not just keep listening to others stories.

OH, I think I need to end it here.

&the beauty.

12:51 PM

Mama dearest,

A most Happy Mother's Day to you!

It's funny how there's only one day out of an entire yearthat's devoted to moms. Just think all the tiring and hard things you do for me everyday - I think that everyday should be Mother's Day! Well, at least I've had an entire year to think up all the reasons why you are such a responsible and loving mom to me.

Remember when we go shopping together ? That was enjoyable! I could list about a million memories like that! I'm so glad I could share them with a mom as cool as you are.

I'm really sorry I failed in one of my exams. I felt really disappointed when you said "1st honor ka ba talaga?! bakit ganyan ang grade mo!" . But even after that, you still said sorry to me. I am so lucky to be your daughter.

So, after all the hard and tiring things you've done for me, this year, I hope you'll be lucky and be blessed in your life. You deserve it because you're hard-working, loving, and patient.

Hope you read this! I mean every single word!

I love you ubeer much!

Layne ♥

&the beauty.

12:44 AM

aw. it's 12:00pm na when we left Laguna to go to my cousin's birthday party!! Meh and meh Papa rode the bus until Megamall. xempre gumala muna kami ng bongga sa megamall. haha. jus kiddin. When we are already in Megamall after 3 hours of travel, kumain muna kami sa MCDO coz' I didn't ate lunch. I told my papa to just buy me cheeese burger, kaso inorderan ako ng chickenmcdo. aysows di marunong makinig sa instructions ng anak. hahaha. After we ate there we went inside the Department Store to buy Mandie a bday present ♥ awww. Then after we bought the present and after it was wrapped, we went to JB somthin' to check the pyesa of my guitar which is nasira ko. wahahaha. they said na wala sila ganun check nlng namin sa ACE bka meron. haaaay. I also saw my dream guitar dun sa JB, it cost 6,800. owmaygash! parang di ko yata kaya pagipunan un. O_O . ahahaha. So we checked ACE kaso wala rin raw. haaaaay. san ko ba ako makakahanap nun! wuhahaha. Then we went to book sale kasi bibili ako nung Total Girl School Planner ♥ it cost 195, haaay nako! dun sa April ish, nakalagay 150 tapos naging 195. sus ko naman. wuhahaha. but i still bought it. ♥ ♥ ♥
I super loev my school planner hahaha. I also bought the May ish of TG. after nun, we went na sa TAXI station sa megamall. so siyempre san pa kami pupunta kundi sa partii! yey. The event was held at Filinvest East Clubhouse. nakz. ahahaha. Pagdating namin wala nang seats! wahahaahaha so dun na lang kami kay tito (Mandie's Dad) Actually masaya naman yung parteeey, kaso wala akong friend dun hahaha. wala kasi si couz ko (Mandie's Big sis.) nasa Australia. Wew. 1st part ng event eh kainan! wahahaha. So 1st batch ng food ko eh the ff: rice, fish fillet, fried chicken, sushi. aw nakakabusog may gad! hahaha. 2nd batch naman! :pasta. hmm di ko masadong naenjoy yung pasta hahaha. busog na eh. then party games. I just watched those kids who joined the game, wala akong balak na sumali. I'm shy eh. hahaha. Enjoy naman ako sa panonood. While watching I ate my Ice Cream. mmm sarap haha. Well, after the games, my tito left the laptop. My dad said pede ko gamitin so I chated with ameng (the couz in australia) nlng gamit account ni tito. Kwento lang me ng kwento bout' the party. Well, when the party ended on 8:00 di pa kami umalis. Mga 9:30 pa kami umuwi. Marami pang nangyari eh. Kaso sa akin na lang yun. hahaha. I dont want to share everything. It's better na kahit konti may itira ka sa sarili mo. aww. am I right? :]

&the beauty.

2:16 PM

I hate myself. Bakit kasi I take chances. Sana nag-absent na lang ako ng isang buong linggo sa school. Peste naman kasi nung february, sobrang busy sa school, ayan tuloy 1 hour each day lang ako nakapag-aral for UP Rural High School. Sayang lahat-lahat ng Sunday na pagpunta sa Brain Train. Sayang Lahat!

I ended up in the waitlist, at Priority # 45 pa! haaay. But I tried baka pede pa. My faith was still there. Nung April 15, 2009 pumunta ako sa UP rural to inquire kung papaano yun, sabi naman ni Ms. Alona of Admission Office balik ako sa April 27 for an interview. My friends were starting to say na pasok na ako and I felt confidence dahil dun. On April 27, sinamahan ako ni mom for the interview, nung nakita namin ung sched, my name wasn't found. My mom was fuming mad, she talked to the principal. Muntik na nga niya sugurin yung Ms. Alona, dahil pinabalik ako for an interview. I begged her na wag na because super embarassed na ako. So we left UP Rural High School na sobrang down ako. After that day, I called for UP and they said na wala pa sa 20 ang nagback out :[ . Until kaninang umaga, I asked kung ilan na yung nagbackout. They said na 16 pa lang raw. I guess I need to give up na. At least umabot ako sa top 200 out of 5000+ examinees. Di man ako umabot sa quota na 125 I was still top 170 out of those 5000. O dba? Meron naman diyang Letran eh, Scholar naman ako dun kaya siguro dun na lang. Gagalingan ko na lang ulit pag mag-college na ako :] That's life!

&the beauty.

11:30 AM

I created my account on May 2008 and now it's May 2009! So I finally decided to construct my blog! Kaso di naman ako marunong

So I send pm's to some friends in my ym if they have an idea in how to fix my blogspot. I PMed best|lovelee if she knows anything about blogspot kaso she said that si Jhed ung nagturo sa kanya.But Jhed wasn't online at that time. I saw Nahz online sa YM , eh alam ko naman na blog expert siya so siya ung sinunod kong PniM. Siyempre tinanung ko muna siya kung alam niya paano pagandahin blogspot and she said yes. So nagusap kami tungkol dun kung paano but kailangan ko na umalis para magsimba kaya, ipinagkatiwala ko ang account ko sa kanya. I was amazed dahil pag-balik ko ang ganda na ng blog ko! haha. SUPER DUPER THANK YOU NAHZ! :] so next naman ako na ung nagconstruct kasi hindi naman pede lagi ko na lang iaasa kay Nahz. Medyo OK naman yung kinalabasan. Kung ano man yang nakikita niyo ngayun, thats the kinalabasan of my hardwork and also the help of Nahz :]

&the beauty.